


Won't You Forgive Me?

by rbcccmly



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Character Death, Returning Home, There's so much angst lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 05:56:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14888903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rbcccmly/pseuds/rbcccmly
Summary: Team Voltron finally return to Earth one week after finally defeating the Galra Empire.They return without Lance, who had disappeared without a trace after their battle. Keith refuses to believe that he is dead, and struggles with the thought of leaving him behind.





	Won't You Forgive Me?

**Author's Note:**

> First of all - I am SO sorry to write such an angsty piece when season 6 is less than a week away hhhhh, that alone is stressful enough--
> 
> I've had this fic planned for a while now though, and I'm happy to finally get it out there for everyone to read!
> 
> I haven't added all of the tags because I don't want to give anything away, so additional tags will be added with each part.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the angst!! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Dark blues and blacks faded out slowly.

Softer hues, growing lighter and brighter, took their place and flooded the bridge. And yet somehow, Keith still felt a lingering darkness that weighed heavily on his chest.

His expression was distant as he stared ahead of himself – The clear, vibrant colours passing by looking more like blurred movements. Like he was on a fast-moving ride at a theme-park, only without the adrenaline.

Without the happiness, too. Keith wished he could have backed out of it, and stayed out in the stillness of space.

Shiro came to stand beside him as the castleship descended into the atmosphere of their home planet. Home... As familiar as it was, it felt almost foreign now after the amount of time they had all spent out in space. Like it had been just some distant memory, or merely part of their dreams.

The _castle_ had been their home for months now, maybe even longer than that – a year? Two whole years? – and each and every one of the Paladins had grown used to being housed within that safe and pristine confinement. It, however, could never offer what an entire planet could. The castle was spacious, but it wasn't _that_ spacious. Everyone missed being able to freely wander around wherever they pleased; without any kinds of threats, or major responsibilities that could mean the difference between life or death, hung over their heads.

Finally, they could do just that.

It was a smooth process, coming into orbit and preparing to land. It seemed almost _too_ smooth when compared to other planets they had visited in the past that had storms raging all day, every day.

They sank through thin clouds that offered no resistance; gravity quickly pulled them down to the ground, but the jets on the ship ensured a safe and careful landing. There were no tremors to be felt, and no difficulties throughout the process that raised any kind of concern. On any other day, Keith would have felt relieved. They had grown far too used to being suspicious of every little thing, and it was nice to finally return to a planet they knew and trusted. For the most part, anyway.

He glanced over to an empty seat, situated before the Blue Paladin's control panel. It looked colder than usual – More stone-like and just... empty. Silent. His fingers curled and gripped at the jacket that covered his arms as he hugged himself tighter. He didn't take another glance to the seat once they had landed.

Finally being able to return to Earth was a bittersweet victory for Team Voltron.

“Okay, Paladins...” Allura had broken the unusual silence across the bridge of the ship once they had touched down, and smiled gently to each of them. “Welcome home.” She sounded quieter than usual. Hesitant, maybe. Keith didn't feel any more at ease.

“We can stick around for as long as you want us to,” Coran offered, stepping up onto the central platform with Allura. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, smiled to her, and then redirected that same, soft smile to the rest of the team. “It would be nice to learn more about your Earth, and the people who live here.”

Shiro replied with something, probably to agree and invite Allura and Coran outside, but Keith wasn't listening anymore.

Everyone on the castle knew who would be outside waiting for them. As well as members from the Garrison, including Commander Iverson and Sam Holt, there would also be family and friends. More so for Pidge, Matt, and Hunk. Shiro had friends within the Garrison – he had been very close with his co-workers whilst here on Earth and not out in space, before this whole Voltron thing happened – leaving only Keith with... not that much.

He didn't care. His mother was safe and back out in space, and he knew he could contact her whenever he pleased. He still had his luxite blade from the Blade of Marmora, as well as a few pictures he'd managed to take whilst not out on missions. It was enough.

What he did care about, was the cold air that seemed to follow his every movement. No matter where he was, what he was doing, where he was going – Something was missing. _Someone_.

What bothered him the most, was that he knew the others could feel it too. And yet, nobody had protested as much as Keith had when the decision was made to return to Earth.

Was it not as uncomfortable for them as it was for him? Could they not feel it circling them, or clouding their minds, or making it difficult to breathe, when they merely thought of the colour blue?

He blinked out of his thoughts when an airy _whoosh_ sounded around him, to be met with the lowering ramp of the castle a mere metre or two away.

His feet had moved him from the bridge on their own accord, and whether he was ready to do so or not, he was now facing the reality of stepping outside. A cool breeze from the growing, widening opening hit his hand first; almost circling around his fingers in a welcoming embrace before it was carried up to his face, fluttering over his cheek, and then breezing through his hair. His fingers twitched, wanting to reach out--

“Keith.”

The Red Paladin inhaled sharply, steeling himself, then curtly replied, “I'm fine.”

Shiro didn't say anything more after that, but Keith could still feel his eyes on him. Shiro's concern was obvious and it burned holes through him, but he kept quiet and said nothing about it. Shiro already knew what was wrong. They had already talked – The whole team had. It didn't make anything better.

But they couldn't hang around in space forever, chasing after nothing.

They had no solid evidence of what had happened, after the explosion. No leads, no signs of life... All they'd been able to salvage were broken pieces of armour amongst the debris that floated around in the silence of the aftermath.

Only a few were found and brought back to the castle; small in size, with most having sickly crimson stains that covered the once-pure white and blue colours. They had starkly contrasted with the rest of the black and purple debris.

That, combined with the lack of signal to communicate with any part of the suit which might have still been intact, had been enough to end their search just over a full week ago.

Lance was gone.

It had been a hard thing for the team to accept. Most definitely the hardest thing yet.

Deep down, they still didn't accept it. Keith _wouldn't_ accept it, not until he had seen a body as proof. And yet, he almost didn't want that. He didn't want to know definitively that Lance was gone. Dead. Never to return. At least he could still indulge himself in sad little fantasies of Lance appearing out of nowhere, scratched up but alive and smiling. Cracking stupid jokes and teasing Keith about nothing. Pushing his buttons like old times.

Keith heard a soft sigh from beside him. He didn't look up. Didn't need to, to know he'd zoned out again.

By now the ramp had fully lowered to the floor. It was silent outside, but they all knew there were others out there, waiting for them to emerge. Keith didn't want to. After all this time, dreaming of returning to his peaceful little shack and not having to worry about Zarkon, Haggar, or the rest of the Galra Empire...

He suddenly wanted to be back out in space. It felt wrong to be here, on Earth, without Lance.

Lance had sacrificed everything just to get back home again, and to see his family again. Every doubt he'd voiced or kept to himself. Every shot of his bayard, and every life he had claimed for the greater good of the universe... It had all been for naught. The Galra Empire was no more, so that was an upside, sure – But what about Lance's family? Or even his little hometown which he'd bragged about so often, claiming that the _bins_ there were cleaner than Keith's shack in the desert. Or the weather, and his favourite foods...

Everything had been ripped out of Lance's grasp. Everything, including his own lif- _No_. Lance wasn't dead. _Not without proof_. There was still time for Allura and Coran to find him, if they couldn't as Paladins.

It wasn't impossible.

“We're... really home,” a breathless voice sounded out from the right side of him. Pidge. He could hear Matt patting her shoulder, no doubt smiling.

“Yeah... Is anyone else kind of scared to ask what the date is?” Hunk replied, trying to crack a joke. Everyone chuckled, or at least gave a breath of amusement in response. Everyone but Keith, who stared sadly down at the familiar, dusty floor at the foot of the ramp.

“Lance should be here with us.”

They all fell silent immediately after that.

Keith almost felt a little guilty for it. He _knew_ that everyone was hurting just as much as he was – Hell, Hunk and Pidge had been even closer to Lance than anyone else this entire time. But it still hurt to try and pretend as though nothing was wrong.

Maybe he was the only one feeling so down, since he had nobody waiting for him here. Nothing to distract himself with.

All that he loved most was back out in space. Not here.

Nobody seemed to move for a short while, until a firm but gentle hand came to rest on his left shoulder. It was surprising just how gentle a cyborg prosthetic could be.

“Keith... We did all we could,” the Black Paladin tried to reassure him in a soft tone. Still Keith didn't look up. “We have to be strong. Lance's family is...” Shiro took in a small breath, pausing for a moment. His voice sounded softer when he spoke again. “They're out there, waiting. Let's not make this harder for them than what it already is.”

Shiro had a point, and Keith knew it. But still it didn't make him feel any better.

Lance's family had been told of his disappearance, and, his likely death. There had been light emphasis on the word 'likely' because it wasn't definite that Lance _was_ dead, but nobody wanted to get anyone's hopes up. There was nothing more to find after searching the same spot in space for an entire week, as well as a couple of the surrounding planets and moons.

They hadn't been able to search _whole_ planets, and so search parties were requested in every town, city, and village they came across. Even tiny settlements that sometimes held only two or three beings had offered to do their part to help, claiming it was the least they could do after the threat of the Galra Empire had been removed.

Team Voltron hadn't been there to see how Lance's family reacted to the news, but they were reassured that still, they would be there for the castle's arrival.

Keith swallowed past the dry lump in his throat. He wouldn't blame them if they came straight at him, or the rest of the team, blaming them for Lance's... disappearance. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, yet it did. There was nothing they could have possibly done to save him, without risking another life in the process. But maybe if Lance hadn't been alone, he could have been warned earlier...

Shiro gently gave a single shake to Keith's shoulder, and finally, violet eyes slid up to meet soft, darker grey ones. “Come on, Keith. We've got to go out there, but none of us will go until you're ready.”

“I'm ready.” Keith replied in a murmur, almost immediately after the last word left Shiro's mouth. He didn't need the pressure of holding everyone else back from their families, too. His feet felt heavy, and they dragged across the metal floor when he eventually forced himself to move. Shiro's hand slipped away from his shoulder as he left his side. Keith just wanted to get this over with. “Let's go.”

The further the team descended down the ramp, the weaker the surrounding breeze became. Keith felt his breath hitch slightly. The realisation that they were _leaving Lance behind_ fell heavier on his shoulders with each step, but he forced himself not to stop. Not to look back. His hands gripped into tight fists at his sides, and if he hadn't been wearing his gloves, he was sure he would've felt his nails digging painfully into his own skin by now.

His expression was just as tight, with hard eyes never leaving the dusty floor at his feet, even when people began to cheer a small distance away. The only breeze he felt then had come from his friends, who had taken off running towards their loved ones. Even Shiro had left his side to be greeted by his past co-workers, and he could hear them laughing and exclaiming each others' names in delight and relief from where he stood, a few long metres away.

Nobody seemed to notice he was there, and that was how he wanted it to be.

It felt wrong to be stood under the heat of the sun, listening to everyone laughing and crying out of happiness, as if nothing was amiss. As if everything was perfect, and life could continue on as per usual. Maybe it could for most of them, once they had grieved together. But not for Keith. Not for Lance's family.

Keith made the mistake of glancing around until he spotted the McClains. Some were already crying and holding each other, whilst others tried to stay strong and greeted the other Paladins with smiles and soft words. He couldn't tell who was who, but he knew that everyone present looked to be older than Lance. Had he been the youngest...?

He glanced over them some more, and managed to catch sight of two smaller figures. Two young children. One particularly young girl was being held in a woman's arms, and another little boy looked to be clinging to another woman's long skirt. Both looked just as sad, or confused, as each other...

Keith's knees felt weak all of a sudden, and they shook and trembled beneath him as he wordlessly carried himself over to one of the nearby rock formations. He could feel his breaths scratch the inside of his throat as he slowly sat himself down, coming out a little harder and rougher than before. The Red Paladin's strong, brave front was quickly breaking away – But he wouldn't cry. He couldn't, not now.

So he busied himself by taking out the phone-like handheld device he had been given when he had first become a Paladin, and slowly browsed through whatever he had that he thought might help calm him down.

_Just breathe, Keith..._

There's got to be something that he could do to keep his hands and mind busy, right?

Everything in his head was a little scattered, but after a few long moments of swiping to different settings screens and opening and closing a few different apps, he finally thought of something he could do. Something that could actually be considered thoughtful, even if thinking was something he really didn't want to try right now.

A couple of messages were sent to his mother; informing and reassuring her that he had arrived safe and sound on Earth, and asking how things were going back at the Blade of Marmora's base.

He simply held the device and stared at that same screen for a while after that, waiting to see if he would get a reply so soon after sending the messages. It was understandable that nothing came through, even after several minutes had passed – It was hard work, doing what she did. Keith knew first-hand how mentally and physically draining the missions were, and how little free time agents had whilst carrying out such work.

Keith began to wonder what he could do, now that he was back on Earth. Could he really go back to living in isolation again, in that lonely little shack so far from the Garrison and everyone he had learned to love? It had all seemed like such a far-fetched idea, out in space. But now it was his reality... Keith didn't know what to do about that.

He wasn't even sure what the rest of the team would do now. Shiro and Pidge were the most likely to hang around, since they both had strong ties to the Garrison in one way or another. Hunk probably could too, after growing closer to Pidge and knowing that they make a good team with all of their techy stuff. Maybe he would stay around for a little longer, or maybe he would head home with his family to take some well-deserved time off. Keith didn't know.

He still didn't know what _he_ was going to do.

Another few minutes passed, before Keith slowly lifted his gaze. The crowd of people outside of the castle had dissipated slightly now, but he could still see where the rest of his team were stood, now joined by Allura and Coran. Were they even considered a team still? Since Voltron wasn't exactly needed anymore...

The Red Paladin tore his gaze away. He really didn't need to start thinking and worrying about that, on top of everything else.

_You're supposed to be distracting and calming yourself, remember?_

His head fell back with a small thud against the rock behind him, so he could stare up at the sky instead. Several fluffy clouds glided past; some were coloured a little darker grey than others, but still there was that vibrant blue that filled the large gaps between them. The sun helped to keep things bright, even when hidden behind some of the clouds that passed by.

It was an okay day. Not the best, but not the worst. Maybe it would rain later...

“Excuse me?”

The gentle voice snapped Keith out of his head, and his handheld slipped off his thigh to land with an audible clatter to the dirt floor. It went ignored.

He was looking up at a woman before he had even realised his eyes had shifted, though it took a few moments longer for him to recognise her. They had never spoken or even looked each other in the eye before, and despite her having slightly paler skin when compared to her son, Keith knew exactly who she was. Curly, shoulder-length auburn hair, ocean blue eyes...

“I-- I'm so sorry,” he blurted out and stumbled to his feet. His handheld remained forgotten on the floor, dangerously close to the sole of one of his boots. “For your loss...”

Lance's mother was about the same height as Keith, maybe a little shorter. It took a little too much willpower for Keith not to imagine how Lance would have been just that little bit taller than her, and how he would have had to lean down a couple of inches to give or receive hugs and kisses from her.

Keith was too emotionally drained for that right now – But still his mind helpfully conjured up those painful images before him. His throat dried up before he could even think about speaking again.

“You're Keith, aren't you?” The woman asked. Keith felt a pang in his chest, like someone had knocked the wind right out of him. How did she know? Or, why did it matter? There was no reason for her to come and talk to him simply because he was on the same team as Lance... Or, had been. And there was a difference between simply recognising him as one of the Paladins and being able to put his name to his face. Hunk had been talking to Lance's family when Keith had headed over here, so... maybe he had told them who he was?

Keith swallowed when he realised he still hadn't said anything. His voice was strained when he forced himself to speak. “Yeah... Yeah, I am.”

“I thought so.” She smiled a little sadly then as she looked over his appearance, most notably his hair. That was a little odd, he thought. Considering the only person who had ever made a fuss over his hair had been- “Lance talked about you a lot... In his message he sent to us a few months ago.”

Keith had to look away. He blinked up at the sky. Took in a sharp breath through his nose. Each breath felt heavy and painful as they passed through his dry throat. His jaw locked, teeth grit and fists tight at his sides as he tried to blink away the growing wetness in his eyes. Lance's mother seemed to understand, because she fell silent and gave him the time he needed to recollect himself.

“We had a... weird relationship,” he managed to get out a short while later. Violet eyes still couldn't focus on the blue ones before him, but he'd managed to slowly lower his gaze again and glance in her general direction, at least. Those eyes were the same colour Lance's had been... He heard a soft, amused breath in response.

“I could tell. But I know my son like the back of my hand,” the older woman replied. Everything about her was soft and reassuring, and Keith couldn't bring himself to look away any longer. She smiled in his direction after catching a glimpse of his glassy eyes. “By the sound and looks of it, he never told you. But I know he was very fond of you, Keith.”

He tried to give a weak chuckle of his own after managing to find more of his voice. “Yeah... Lance was pretty close with all of us. He kind of had it in for me at the beginning, but I like to think that we became friends in the end.”

Friendship... It had been the very least that Keith had wanted from Lance.

It had taken them weeks to get over their childish squabbles, and even longer for them to really bond and start teasing each other in a more playful, lighter manner. It had irritated them both sometimes still, but most of the time, it resulted in one or both of them to at least crack a smile. Maybe even laugh, if the mood was light enough.

Keith knew that Lance had needed to put in a little more effort with him than any of the others. And he felt a little bad about that, but he wasn't a people person, okay? Before Voltron, Shiro had been the only person that Keith had let himself grow close to. He was still closer to Shiro than any of the other Paladins, and everyone seemed to understand and accept that. But Keith had tried to put in some effort for his new friends, too.

And who had been the one to help calm him down when Shiro had gone missing?

Lance.

The one boy who he had believed would never want anything to do with him after their one-sided rivalry. When he had first taken the role of the Black Paladin, he had thought that Lance had liked to see him struggle with piloting his new lion. That he only really cared if it put the rest of the team in jeopardy.

But time and time again, Lance seemed to prove that that wasn't the case.

He had pulled Keith aside and talked to him. Privately, and seriously. They had shared their insecurities, even if only briefly, and tried their best to help each other through them. Lance had been a much better teammate and right-hand than Keith had ever been.

Apparently, Lance had actually looked up to him before. But the longer they were out there in space, working with each other and protecting one another... The more Keith realised that he had been looking up to Lance, too.

It had been a hard thing to come to terms with, because those feelings of respect and pride had quickly developed into something else. Something Keith had very little experience with... Or, actually, none at all. He had developed a crush.

Keith crushed on Lance _hard_ , and it had only become apparent when he left Voltron to join the Blades, after Shiro had returned. During the time he spent away from the rest of the team, he began realise just how badly he missed everyone and everything that was Voltron. How they always had each others' backs, how they could celebrate after successful missions, and how happy and comfortable everyone seemed to be around each other... You just didn't get the same atmosphere when working with the Blades.

The first thing Keith had grown to miss was Lance's voice. Bouncing loudly and happily off the walls because he never seemed to care what came out of his own mouth. Lance was cocky, flirty, and sometimes a little stupid, but it was actually kind of endearing. And that was something that Keith had _never_ expected to think.

But that had only been the beginning.

The more time passed, the more he had began to miss more of the smaller things about Lance that could only be noticed if you looked hard enough. The way his whole expression softened whenever his lips curled in a slight smile. The way the skin around his eyes wrinkled whenever he grinned too brightly or laughed too hard. The way his tone would get just that little bit higher whenever he got too passionate or defensive about something. Hell, even the way he wandered onto the bridge every early morning, always later than everyone else and looking a little sleepy, but still refreshed.

When Keith eventually did return to the team, he'd thought that maybe, his feelings for Lance would even out and get a little more under control. That it had only been because he missed him more than he originally thought he would.

That had been his first mistake.

If anything, Keith only fell harder and faster for Lance. They had hugged when he first walked onto the bridge; tight and somehow almost desperate, as if reassuring each other that yes, Keith was back and here to stay. Lance had seemed so genuinely happy to have Keith back, and seeing that bright, relieved grin so close to his own face had done _nothing_ to help him and his fragile heart. He could still remember just how much it had ached in that moment, but in the very best of ways.

Keith's second mistake was thinking that having Lance around much more often would maybe reverse his crush in some way. They had bickered plenty in the past, and being away for so long would probably only make that worse, right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

Sure, the playful teasing and banter had continued. But somehow, the Red and Blue Paladins had seemed to come together quicker and stronger than ever. It was confusing, to say the least – And even if it gave Keith a few troubles with trying to keep his blossoming feelings towards Lance to himself, he didn't complain. Or rather, he didn't _mean_ it when he complained to himself whilst lying awake at night, cursing Lance for just how irritatingly perfect he was.

“He definitely thought of you as a friend, Keith,” the Blue Paladin's mother reassured him with a smile; confident, as if she had been there to see everything for herself. Keith appreciated the comforting words, even if the word 'friend' had felt the slightest bit underwhelming. But that was what he had been to Lance, right? His friend. Probably not even his best friend, since Hunk and Pidge both seemed better-suited for that role.

Wow, Keith really needed to pull himself together. If Lance had considered him a friend, then he should be feeling grateful. Lance's friendship meant the world to Keith. But still...

“I think I liked him.”

The quiet words had fallen from his lips before he could even think about reigning them back in. Because yeah, confessing to your possibly-dead-crush's mother was definitely the way to go, right?

Good going, Keith.

He was unable to meet the woman's gaze again after that, but this time, he wasn't fidgeting and glancing around so often. Instead his expression was turned downwards into a sad frown, directed at his own feet which were planted firmly on the ground. What was he feeling... Shame? Disappointment? Sadness? Guilt? Maybe all of that and more?

The longer he stared down at his feet, the more blurred his vision seemed to get.

Silence stretched over them for only a mere few seconds before Keith grew uncomfortable. Whether it was a mistake or not, he opened his mouth to speak some more and inwardly winced at how rough his voice now sounded. “I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be saying any of this now, especially to you... It's not fair on you. I guess I just... needed to get it off my chest.”

A single tear had rolled down Keith's cheek after that, but he lifted a hand to scrub at it and his eyes before any more could escape. He told himself he wouldn't cry. Not until he was alone at least, because what good would this do? It was probably only upsetting Lance's mother more.

He really wasn't good with people, though, so he didn't know how to change the subject or reassure her that he was fine. Why lie, anyway? He clearly wasn't fine, and she probably knew it.

“Keith...” Her voice was just as soft as it had been before. A little more tentative now, maybe, but she apparently wasn't going to just let him drop this. The gentle hand that came to rest on his lax arm anchored him somewhat, and he took in a slow breath. “If you're telling anyone, then I'm glad it's me. You clearly need to talk to someone... And hearing that you cared so much about my son makes me feel better. I know that he was in good hands if he had people like you there with him.”

That last comment had been the one to make Keith crack. Because he _hadn't_ been with Lance when the explosion went off. He _hadn't_ been there to warn him when the rest of the team caught onto what was happening, and he _hadn't been there to keep him safe_.

He lifted both of his hands when his eyes began to sting more with tears, and pushed and rubbed the balls of his gloved palms into them as some kind of distraction. But the damage had been done when a rough, choked noise fell from his lips. Hearing that, and feeling the growing wetness against his gloves and around his eyes, sent him spiralling.

“No... It's all my fault,” he rasped, body curling in on itself slightly when his chest shuddered and heaved. Not only to hide just how pathetic he probably looked right now, in front of _Lance's mother_ no less, but because it was just too much effort to keep himself up. Keith wanted nothing more than to be able to curl up in his bed, back on the castle, out in space. Because at least when he cried out there, he could still jump into his Lion and search for Lance some more.

Here, back on Earth, it was as if he just had to accept the fact that Lance was truly gone. And Keith hated that thought. If Lance was out there, _alive_ , he needed to be found and brought home as soon as possible. But... at this point, what else could he possibly do?

It was surprisingly easy to allow himself to be wrapped into the woman's arms, even though he didn't feel as though he deserved the comfort at all. Keith might have had a crush on Lance, but this was his _mother_. She was more deserving of grieving than anyone else, and yet here he was, having _her_ comfort _him_.

But Keith was selfish enough to accept it. For now at least, before he would shut himself away wherever and whenever he could.

“It wasn't your fault, Keith. Please don't blame yourself, dear...” Her soft voice somehow managed to sound out over his hoarse cries, and Keith briefly registered the feeling of her head resting against his. If he focused enough, he could feel her fingers brushing through his hair in slow, comforting strokes. She sounded sad, but nowhere near as close to tears as he thought she could have been. “If you had been there with him, who knows what would have happened to you, too? My Lance was a smart boy. If there is any way he managed to save himself, well... I know he will make it back to us.”

Keith's breath hitched, and she pulled away enough to gently pry his hands away from his eyes. They stung and ached with the force he had been pushing against them, and it took a couple of slow blinks for the white dots to fade out of his vision. When he was finally able to look at Lance's mother properly, he felt his lip quiver.

She was looking at him ever so softly, as if _he_ was her son. And just as gently, her hands came up to brush away his tears. As stupid as he felt, all he could do was stand there with his own hands limp at his sides, still damp with tears.

“If he's out there, I... I should be out there too. What if he's hurt? What if... he can't--” Keith breathed, hiccuped once, then shut his eyes tight. He had no doubts that Lance couldn't look after himself. And Keith oh-so desperately wanted to believe that he _was_ out there, doing just that. Maybe even making his way back to Earth himself as they spoke. But if he was hurt or physically incapable of getting to them...

“We can only pray, Keith. You have done all you could already...” Her hands lowered from his face when his tears finally began to ease off, and instead, she gently rubbed at his arms to calm him down. At least whilst she did that, he couldn't feel himself shaking so much. “Lance wouldn't want you to work yourself up about him so much, hm? It's going to be hard, being here without him... But you have your friends to console you, and us, too. If you still aren't feeling any better about being here, then perhaps you can head back out into space and search some more.

But until then, all we can do is wait, and see what happens. You need to rest, after searching for so long already... All of you look exhausted, and none of you will find him if you are barely able to stand up for longer than a few minutes.” Her eyes gestured down to his shaking body, and Keith averted his gaze with a sad frown.

“Waiting around won't save him, though...”

“And having any of you collapse or do further damage to yourselves won't, either. You have to allow at least a couple of days for your mind and body to rest, Keith...”

Sitting around and simply waiting to see what happened was never something that Keith willingly chose to do. Not even when he was on the cusp of consciousness, if his goal was within reach. But now, it seemed as though exhaustion was really creeping up on him.

Throughout the past week, Keith had barely slept. He spent pretty much all of his waking hours searching for Lance, or wearing himself out further by crying and taking out his frustrations in his room or the training deck. He was sure the others' hadn't had much luck sleeping normally, either.

In the first couple of days of searching, everyone was truly desperate to find Lance. They left no stone unturned, and while this remained true for the rest of the week, it was clear to anyone that their efforts were dwindling along with their energy.

The lack of sleep they were getting affected their awareness and sense of direction. They made shorter trips to certain areas, sometimes not even landing in some, just because they failed to catch a glimpse of the colour blue. They argued with each other over which planets they had or hadn't already visited, and which ones would be worth their time.

Maybe... taking a break wasn't a bad idea. If it meant that they could have clearer minds and a better chance of finding Lance safe, then Keith could agree to it.

Slowly, he nodded his head.

“I'll try to get some rest for a day or two. But after that, I'm going back out there, whether the others join me or not. I don't want to let him go... I can't. And I won't sit around waiting.”

He lifted his gaze slowly, and relaxed when he was met with an understanding smile.

“Thank you, Keith... We're all proud of you and your friends, no matter what happens. My boy helped to save the entire universe... Maybe the universe will be kind enough to save him, too.”

Keith, finally, cracked a small smile in return. That had been one of the most believable things he had heard since Lance had disappeared, and... it actually gave him hope. Past his own tearful smile, he could see how her eyes grew wet, too.

He was embraced again. This time he returned it, and held onto the older woman as a rough breath fell from his lips. Keith could see now why Lance was so fond of his mother's hugs. They were warm and soft, and extremely comforting to say the least. He hated himself a little less after that.

He decided to cherish it, for Lance.

The hug had lasted for a few solid minutes, and when they eventually pulled away from each other, Keith felt lighter. Like he had already cleared his mind, and that he knew what his purpose would be.

He joined Lance's mother when she returned to the rest of Lance's family, and with some more tearful smiles and hugs, he greeted each and every one of them. They held him in return, thanking him for everything he and the rest of his team had done, and together they prayed for Lance to be somewhere out there, safe.

As a large group of mixed families and friends, they all ate together and talked about certain parts of their adventures. The good times, the fun times, and the most dramatic turns of events.

Keith hadn't said much, but he was okay with that. Simply listening to his friends passionately tell their stories was enough to make him smile, and truly relax for the first time in what felt like forever.

A few hours later, and they were all gathered outside again, saying their goodbyes to Allura and Coran – For now, at least.

“We'll be back in a few quintants, or, uh... days!” Coran had called back to everyone from the base of the ramp, waving and smiling brightly to the large group. During their talk at dinner, both Allura and Coran had agreed to bring some souvenirs from space for the Earthlings to keep.

Them returning also ensured that the team had the chance to rest, and if they felt well enough to continue their search, then they would. Keith knew that he would step forward, whether the rest of his team would be ready to or not.

“Thank you for the lovely meal!” Allura had called out then, beaming alongside Coran. “Enjoy your rest on your home planet, Paladins! We shall see each other again soon!”

With that, the two Alteans left teary-eyed, and returned to the castle. The strong jets shook the Earth when they took off, and Keith watched with a smile and determined eyes as it broke through the atmosphere and became a mere speck in the sky.

No souvenirs would make him happier than seeing the bright smile of the boy he loved. But he held hope, for now, whilst he stood amongst Lance's family.

_Please, find and bring him home._

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Keef, wanting his crush back safe and sound. ;w;
> 
> Please come yell at me in the comments lmao, I'd also love to hear what you all think might happen in the second part!!
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr @ [keefskneef](https://keefskneef.tumblr.com/), and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/keefskneef) too! Feel free to shoot me a message there too - Either about the fic or just Voltron/Klance in general!
> 
> See you in Part Two... ♥


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